chewing on glass

for the second night in a row, i have racoons outside my window as im trying to go to sleep

laying quietly, i get disturbed by their disgustingly haunting screeching noises mere feet from where i lay my head...

what is it? do i smell like garbage? i cant see a reason they would climb a tree to get to the roof outside my window so they can hang out..

im tired of this house....im tired of being in a big house of closed doors because nobody likes eachother, i hate not wanting to comunicate at all....i hate coming home to a dirty kitchen of dishes that i didnt make and two poeople denying that they are theirs...

i have to put out the garbage or it doesnt go out..
i have to wipe the messy counter off everyday so i can make my lunch on a clean surface.
and i cant, and dont want to even eat meals here anymore which is affecting my diet.


me and ben are moving out and getting our own place i think...if everything works out right, the two bad roomates will agree things arent working out and support the decision to break the lease..and if not, well thats too bad...


SEE YOU!


ben and i have already started looking and figuring out the breakage details....we think we can pull this off without messing with the landlord...


i am bored at work lately...im sitting on the sidelines watching everybody work and i have no meaningful task...
today sean noticed i wasnt given anythng to do and helped me out by suggesting to our boss that i gve him a hand,....so that was awesome....and tomorrow ill probably have my own tasks...this is what ive been told..


ive been skating vanderhoof twice a week and its good...im getting used to the heat and starting to get used to the bowl but its tough...it takes a while to get the hang of a deeper ramp...in a month or so i should be shredding it a little easier...

going to the cottage this weekend with family and agata... no jet ski though, she wotn be ready in time...i suppose its better to have it running properly so when i take it up north i have no problems... i was just klookig foreward to it....and when i look foreward to anythig that is out of my control i am let down because it doesnt happen..... my conclusion is that i cant really trust anyone..... nice huh? no thats a lie.

i can always depend on my family.. and agata...which i am grateful for...


i think im going to start my own company over the winter...i cant see myself ever wanting to stay in one spot, so i think i need to be my own boss so i can take things where i want them to go....ive been avoiding my footwear project for a while and focusing on a little art project of mine...but when thats over im gonna get going on the shoes again...

i want to do shoes....and clothes....maybe clothes first....we'll see.

she keeps telling me that if i set a goal then i will make it...if in a year i want to be making clothes then i will be making it happen by next year. deadlines and high goals are what i need to give myself.or else i just never start...

i need to almost treat it like school....

i want to go to europe so badly these days...

im so random lately...

i havent been writing because of the lack of focus....

and possibly because of the monotony full-time work has brought to my life,...


Agata is amazing always....she keeps me looking forward and into the future with hope, and makes me feel needed...


"when you aren't here, it feels like a peice of me is missing."


there it is. i like to think that this could be it...it makes me calm and happy that i have that confidence and trust in someone...
there are always the questions i ask myself, but i always come back to the giant red sign with yellow arrows pointing at it that says, "YES!!" shes a good one.....she feels right...she is right, because when i am with her nothing is wrong...


enough of that, im going to head off..

hopefully my racoon friends dont return with screechy whispers to haunt me in my dream state.